333 Ways To Get Kicked Out of Konoha
by DarkNutDestroyer
Summary: A totally wacky story of random encounters, accidents and pranks in Konoha and all over the Element Countries.
1. 11 through 11

**Hello. My name is DarkNutDestroyer. I read fanfictions for some time now and I decided to give it a shot. This is my first fanfic . I hope it is not too bad. I inspired myself from the stories "333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart" and "333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of HQ". Please support me! Your reviews are all welcome and I hope you offer good advices and suggestions!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**333 Ways To Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**1\. Make up nonsense rules and ask freshly-graduated genins if they have followed them.**

Konohamaru didn't realise it was a trap until he was being chased by a horde of angry kunoichis chasing after him for peeping at them in the Baths house

**2\. Smash the person in front of you with a ham.**

The Fire Daimyo was utterly confused when he received a report saying that all of Konoha's ham supply had been completely depleted. He never received news about the Legendary Ham War of Konoha.

**3\. Exchange a ninja's kunai pouch with a pouch of dildos.**

Kakashi of the Sharingan has been completely humiliated when he saw his new title in the Bingo Books: Kakashi of the Flaming Dildo.

**4\. Paint the entire Hokage Tower orange.**

Unfortunately, the culprit was never found, but a signature of "**El Uzumako"** has been left. The investigation unit is still studying the case.

**5\. Take control of the Konoha's Emergency Speakers and use it to make a radio show.**

Not even Shikamaru knew how Asuna did it, but he is currently using the speakers for a radio show. The show became extremely popular and several other attempts to copy it have been made in the other villages.

**6\. Dye somebody's hair in an unusual color.**

The entire population of Konoha got their hair dyed blond. Surprisingly, the Hyuga clan chose to keep the color. They say that it is their punishment for having been pranked, but everybody knows that they simply like the new look.

**7\. Attempt to steal the Hokages hat.**

No one knew why Jiraya of the Sennin was found hanging without clothes in the female part of the Hot Springs. The woman, however, enjoyed beating the life out of him. They never saw Hiruzen Sarutobi filming the whole encounter with a camera.

**8\. Go to the market and start singing the song"I'm Sexy and I know it".**

The audience was surprised to learn that Maito Gai could sing pretty well. He made a band and is currently making a world tour all across the Elemental Nations.

**9\. Come to the Ninja Academy in ridiculous clothes.**

No one dare to ask Sasuke why he was wearing pink clothes and glasses. The last unlucky student to have asked got ruthlessly clobbered. Poor Eric Cartman. Rest his poor, fat, bastard soul.

**10\. Give dog treats to people saying they are exotic sweats.**

Choji forgot Kiba had a dog treat addiction. At least he managed to lose some weight by running all over Konoha from a completely crazy Inuzuka.

**11\. Take some senbons and try to balance them on every part of your body.**

The current record holder is Genma with his outstanding number of 289 senbons.

**Please Review!**


	2. 12 through 22

**DarkNutDestroyer here! This is a new chapter! Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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**333 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of Konoha**

**12\. Try to guess what's happening in someone's head.**

Ino Yamanaka got hospitalised in the psychiatric section of the Konoha Hospital after taking control of Maito Gai's mind to prevent him from hugging his apprentice. Ino is still in coma and occasionally screams: "SO MUCH YOUTH!" After recovering (after 3 months), she received a medal for public safety.

**13\. Stalk someone****。**

Naruto Uzumaki has been followed all day by a mysterious individual. He never knew that the Byakugan could see trough clothes. Hyuuga Hinata soon joined Ino in the hospital suffering from successive nosebleeds.

**14\. Dress in a ridiculous costume and make your friends dress in similar clothes.**

"No Lee! I won't wear your ranger costume!"

"Come on, Neji! Together, we'll be the Konoha Rangers!"

"Lee! Neji! Gai-sensei said that there's training this aftern…(sees Lee trying to take off Neji's clothes)"

"…"

"Uhhh… Am I interrupting something?"

"No Tenten! You got it all wrong!"

**15\. Randomly go people and smack in their face saying: "I thought we had something!"**

Asuma was left crying in the middle of the street after Kurenai hit him.

**16\. Put kids clothes and play in a sandbox.**

Gaara was confused when Kankuro came to him and asked to him if he could play in his sand Needless to say that Gaara didn't like to be confused and that confusion often leads to murderous rampages. The Kazekage was not happy.

**17\. Pretend that you're having a violent seizure.**

When Hinata finally recovered from her nosebleeds, she woke up next to a completely beaten-up Naruto, who got punched by Sakura for almost giving her a heart-attack. Hinata quickly went back to coma.

**18\. Put on a robot suit and walk down the street saying****"****Please put own your weapon, you have 20 seconds to comply"**

Everyone thought that it was a prank…until they realised that it was Tenzo in his** Fusion Robo Tenzorn**… and that it could shoot very very hard seeds. Let's just say that Hiruzen was not amused.

**19\. Drop somebody's pants.**

No one knew how he did it, but Kiba managed to drop Shino's pants. Who knew beetle boxers were actually cute?

**20\. Play a theater act.**

"Orochimaru-sama, are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Of course it is, Kabuto! For the last act, you'll jump from this 10-story high building, make some back-flips and some random acrobatics and finally, land gracefully on this box of highly dangerous chemicals."

"Ah! Okay! Easy enough…wait, did you say dangerous chemicals?"

"Don't worry! It'll be fine! Let's go! (Pushes Kabuto from the edge)"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Kabuto! I said back-flip, not front-flips! And by acrobatics, I didn't say to lose your pants! Watch ou….Oh, that's gotta hurt…"

Later at the hospital

"Well, Kabuto, looks like you'll have to stay here for six months. At least you managed to make the act a complete success! Let's do this again next year!"

Orochimaru never saw the chakra scapel come his way.

**21\. Do some break-dancing.**

Naruto tried to do it, but entered a depression when he realised he was too small to do a whirlwind.

**22\. Hunt the boogie-man.**

"I tell you Shika, there's a monster under my bed!"

"Don't be stupid, Ino! Monsters don't exist!"

(Shikamaru checks under Ino's bed and sees a completely drunk Choji covered with peanut butter.)

"I take back what I said"

**Hate it? Like it? Please review!**


	3. 23 through 33

**Hello. DarkNutDestroyer here with a brand-new chapter of "333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha! I hope you'll like it! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

* * *

**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**23\. Throw a massive party involving LOADS of beer.**

Kurenai swore to never follow Anko to a party. The massive headache helped a lot to make her do this promise.

**24\. Play ninja.**

Let's just say that in this world, playing ninja includes massive destruction and overkill techniques.

**25\. Do the ice bucket challenge.**

Kakashi regretted his words when he saw Gai turned it into a competition of the last one standing under a waterfall.

**26\. Go out on Halloween night.**

The worst part was when sugar-high Choji and a scary Yamato went on a sugary rampage to steal all the little kid's candy.

**27\. Play Dungeons &amp; Dragons.**

A massive battle-royal started to decide who would be the ninja.

**28\. Start an eating competition.**

The mistake the judges made was to let the participants choose their food. The Hokage was not happy after seeing the bill of the competition.

"Come on! Who would eat 5 tons of dango, 10 of ramen and 15 of barbecue?"

Trough the village, a snake mistress, a prankster king and a hungry Akamichi sneezed.

**29\. Sell calendars to fund a project.**

"Who is the idiot who let Gai be the director? We received dozens of complaints of eye damage and moral indecency!"

"Uhh… Hokage-sama, it was you did it..."

"…"

(Opens a calendar, starts crying blood, and then jumps out the window.)

"Hokage-sama!"

**30\. Discover new things in the world.**

One day, Neji came into Hinata's room without knocking and sees her making puppets of Naruto and herself kissing and snuggling together. He thought it was cute… until he saw that the Hinata puppet was wearing a dominatrix outfit. Neji would never see her again the same way.

**31\. Make a diary.**

After Jiraiya's death, Naruto found his diary and decided to publish it. The problem was that there was so much smut in it that every publishers refused the copy.

**32\. Create a religion with you as the supreme leader.**

"Kakuzu, I decided to finally stop being a Jashin disciple…"

"Finally!"

"…Instead, I'll be its supreme leader!"

"Wait! You can't do that!"

"Of course I can! I'm the only member!"

"Well, can't argue with that."

**33\. Create a portal to another universe.**

Kakashi saw that Madara has sent a massive meteorite towards Konoha. He used his **Kamui **to send it somewhere else.

**In another universe**

"Ha! You'll never be able to defeat me, Fairy Tail!"

"We'll never give up, Jose!"

"Meh. I'll simply destroy all of you with my ultimate weapon. Fire the Jupiter Canon!"

The whole guild, defeated and exhausted was watching their death about to be shot at them…

…until a meteorite appeared out of nowhere in the sky and crashed on the gigantic robot.

"What happened?" said a very confused Natsu.

"I don't care, let's just go home and not care about this shit."said Makarov.

The guild nodded and they went home.

There was simply too much shit that happened today.

**How was this chapter? Like it? Hate it? Please review!**


	4. 34 through 44

**Hello everyone, DarkNutDestroyer here! I'm sorry for the long wait so let's skip this presentation and start the chapter right now! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**34\. Organize a marathon.**

It started smoothly, but every contestant abandoned when they saw that Gai and Lee decided to participate.

**35\. Disguise as a Martian and start to scare people during the night.**

Unfortunately for Choji, a fat alien doesn't scare much. For matters worse, some ANBU units apprehended him for public indecency.

**36\. Fake your death.**

Hiruzen managed to pull Orochimaru into the prank. So it was much of a surprise when the Hokage came out of nowhere during his funeral. He got beaten to a pulp for pulling this bad joke.

**37\. Go to an old geezer and say: "Grandpa! You're alive! It's a miracle!"**

Kakashi was sobbing in a corner for the last three hours, muttering that his hair was naturally grey.

**38\. Have a barbecue.**

Akatsuki made the mistake of inviting Deidara to the barbecue. The barbecue soon became another victim of his pyrotechnic tendencies.

**39\. Create a stampede.**

No one knew where Naruto found all those cows, but this act of completely useless destruction became an annual festive day during which everyone stripped naked and rolled around in the mud around a huge bonfire while cows were released all around the village.

**40\. Put oil all around the city.**

At first, it was hilarious to watch the civilians slip and fall on the oil, until an imbecile *cough* Sasuke*cough* made a fire jutsu without thinking about it. The Konoha's fireman sent the bill to the Uchiha's heir.

**41\. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around screaming at the top of your lungs: "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"**

It was already weird when they say Maito Gai run around with a black suit, but it became extremely awkward when Rock Lee ran after him in a ridiculous traffic light-colored costume.

**42\. Go to a "stick in his ass" guy and ask him if it's his "time of the month".**

This morning, people were confused why Hiashi Hyuuga was running after Kiba Inuzuka who was laughing like a madman. They simply shrugged their shoulders and went to do their daily chores.

**43\. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden). Make grunting noises and drop the fruit in the toilet. Go out and say:"Ahhh…much better!"**

Ino and Shikamaru never saw Choji the same way.

**44\. Two words: PAINTBALL. BATTLE.**

Complete destruction and annihilation. How else would you think it would end? At least it was fun.

**Love it? Hate it? Please review!**


	5. 45 through 55

**Hi! I'm DarkNutDestroyer and here's a new chapter for you! Straight out the oven! Hope you like it! I am sorry for the delay, but I was extremely busy lately. Here's a longer chapter to redeem myself!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**45\. Kill the Hokage.**

"Wait, you can't do it, Kabuto. I already killed him!"

"Come on, Orochimaru-sama. Just this one time!"

"No."

"Pwwwwety please?" said Kabuto while making an adorable pout. Well, as adorable a snake-loving teen with major mental issues could get.

"Gah! You know I cannot resist it! Fine, but you owe me a night to help me on the creation of my new Icha Icha series."

Kabuto internally shuddered.

"Ok! Let's do this! **Summoning! Impure World Reincarnation!"**

A very Sarutobi appeared out of the coffin that emerged from the ground. With his Bo staff. And his armor. And all of his youth's power. And a very very very big grudge against Orochimaru and his minions.

"Well shit."

This day, the village of Otokagure seized to exist.

**46\. When everyone's sleeping, draw doodles on their face.**

No one knew where Naruto got a Jigglypuff, but they were very irate when they woke up and found stupid markings on their face. The Jigglypuff was never found, but people suspect that the boy knew where it lived.

**47\. Submerge the city in water.**

After the Nidaime Hokage did it by accident**, **he was never the same. Mostly after being plummeted to the ground by his older brother when he submerged the village, which is why he became famous for his water skills.

**48\. Create a ramen stand.**

That day, Teuchi and Ayame finally found their purpose of life.

**49\. Find the dragon balls. **

Back when the three sennin were still together, they set off to find the legendary dragon balls. After three years, they finally managed to assemble them. They were about to make the wish when Jiraiya messed up and wished for panties. And this is the real reason of the separation of the group.

**50\. Go to the pool.**

All the ninjas were expelled when they made a started a game of water-walking tag.

**51\. Walk up to random people and ask them existential questions.**

After making the prank, Naruto suddenly abandoned his job as a ninja, became a famous philosopher and published a whole series of books on the meaning of life and on other ethical subjects.

**52\. Go to therapy.**

"Hello. My name is Sasuke and I am suffering of the emo syndrome."

"Hello Sasuke." The group chorused.

"Hello. My name is Asuma and I have smocking problems."

"Hello Asuma."

"Hello. My name is Obito. I am socially awkward, a traitor, an extremist terrorist, a mass murderer, a ridiculously over-powered Uchiha prick and I make bad jokes."

"Hey Obito."

"Hey, wait a minute…"

The therapy's original members soon regretted inviting ninjas to join the party.

**53\. Make a cooking contest.**

The result of the contest was a gigantic, three-headed rampaging mutant that shot lasers from its eyes that was slowly destroying all the surrounding houses.

"…"

"Who knew making pancakes would be so entertaining!"

"Shut up Kiba."

**54\. Make conversation with yourself.**

"I don't know if it's a good idea, Inner Hinata..."

"Come on, Outer Hinata! We should hurry up and declare your love to Naruto-kun before it's too late!"

"I cannot do it now! I'm not physically, mentally or emotionally prepared!"

"Don't worry! It'll be fine! Here's an advice! Pretend to be injured, make Naruto help you walk to your house, lead the two of you into a dark alley, pretending that it's a shortcut, and then… you jump him!"

"Eeeeep! Inner Hinata! You can't be serious!"

"Go do it or some random slut will steal our precious darling from us!"

"B-but…"

"That's it! If you won't do it…I WILL!"

Inner Hinata opened her eyes, pleased to see that she could control her counterpart's body.

"Ku ku ku… just wait for me my dear…" said Inner Hinata while licking her lips.

Somewhere in the village, Naruto, for some unknown reason, suddenly shivered.

**55\. Hold an anime convention **

Naruto suffered major identity issues when he saw people who wore the same clothes.

Sasuke almost killed a random guy because he was an Itachi cosplay.

Sakura suffered major blood loss when she saw dozens of Sasuke.

Shikumaru was more than happy to join a club of Shogi... and cloud-watching.

Choji went to eat at the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Ino was rejected exactly 67 times by potential dates.

Hinata went to the hentai section… who knew she was a closet pervert?

Kiba went to participate to a dog contest, but he lost to Akamaru.

Shino freaked out everyone when he came to the convention wearing a giant bug costume.

Neji was running everywhere, trying to find his little sister. Oh, if he knew…

Tenten was already trying every weapon presented at the gift shop, but was disappointed when she discovered that they were all fake.

Rock Lee was holding a stand promoting the importance of the flame of youth.

**Well, like it? Hate it? Please review!**


	6. 56 through 66

**Hehe… Hello everyone that is reading this fanfiction! I'm DarkNutDestroyer and thank you for reading this humble writer's creation. I made this one pretty quickly if I do say so myself. I would like to thank all of those that are supporting this work. Now please enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything, except some of the concept ideas.**

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**333 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of Konoha**

**56\. Create life.**

"Unfortunately Kabuto, you failed your admission exam to enter the experimental division."

"WHAT? Why?"

"Your assignment was to create life-an easy task if I do say so myself-but impregnating a woman doesn't count in the qualifications. Sorry. You are refused."

"Also, Kabuto-kun, said Orochimaru in a chilling voice, you are responsible of taking care of the rampaging Tayuya who is currently destroying my troops to find YOU and beat the living shit out of YOU for stealing her innocence."

"H-hai, Orochimaru-sama!" said Kabuto.

Bless his poor crazy, sinful, unforgivable soul and his annoying smirk.

**57\. Find the treasure at the end of the rainbow.**

Danzo was infuriated when he discovered that this leprechaun's hidden treasure wasn't a powerful artefact or treasure, but a bowl of cereal. At least it was "magically delicious"!

**58\. Join a circus.**

The "Konoha 9" circus was a big hit in the neighboring villages, but it was closed when Choji though that becoming gigantic and sprout his wings of fire would be a good way to end tonight's show. Needless to say burning the giant tent and crushing to death a few dozen spectators was a good way to end a career.

**59\. Bake a cake.**

"W-what is this monstrosity?"asked Hiruzen

"A cake sir."

"Damn it Kakashi! I know what it is! The problem is why it completely covers the academy! It's so big; the students can't even dig through it to reach the entrance!"

"Well, looks like it's going to be a no-school day; and the cake is good too." said Kakashi, hiding his amusement.

Hiruzen never noticed the gathering students give money to a certain blonde knucklehead and prank master.

**60\. Go to a cruise.**

For the ninjas, it was a walk through the ocean. Hey, if you had super powers, you would also abuse them to save money. Do you know how much those cruise are expensive?

**61\. Go skiing.**

The Hokage was planning a travel with all the academy students to go skiing at Snow Country. They were horrified when they arrived and saw that Naruto and his team had somehow made all the snow melt during their mission. They were not happy, but at least they could go to the beach.

**62\. Make a list of "333 ways to get kicked out of Konoha"**

"POLICE! STEP OUT OF THE BUILDING WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! DO NOT RESIST OR YOU'LL BE MET WITH LETHAL FORCE!"screamed an officer into his speaker.

A nervous Jirayia stepped out of his house, sweating profusely. An agent quickly went behind him and handcuffed him while announcing his rights.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you saw will be turned against you. You are charged of copyright violation and the unforgivable crime of breaking the fourth wall."

Jiraiya was quickly sentenced for thirty years of prison and a fee of five thousand ryo to the author DarkNutDestoyer for compensation.

**63\. Mess with your genetic code.**

"So let me get this straight. You found in an ancient tomb a highly advanced machine containing some genetic goop called ADAM that could give you superhuman powers and you chose to get your eyebrows bigger?"

"Yes! I couldn't pass the opportunity to get my flames of youth centupled! Of course, it drained all the machine of this potentially irreplaceable resource and turned me into an ADAM addict but it was worth it!"

Rock Lee never saw the fist coming his way. Or the mountain that he was heading to at high velocity.

**64\. Have a new haircut.**

Shikamaru went to commit suicide when he saw in the mirror that his barber had given him an afro.

**65\. Create the internet.**

Thus started an endless era of trolling and stupid posts in social networks.

**66\. Give flowers to the one you love.**

Ino had to suffer the wrath of her parents when they discovered the bill for the gift of highly expensive flowers that she sent to her "Sasuke-kun". She never learned that Sasuke had immediately burned the entire package with a fire jutsu.

**So, love it? Hate it? Please review!**


	7. 67 through 77

**Hehe… I just realized it, but my fanfiction is quickly approaching the count of ONE HUNDRED ways to get kicked out of Konoha! Yay! I really like doing this and I hope you also like it and continue to read it! Also, I am sorry I updated so late, it's because I'm writing a new story. It is already uploaded so you can check it out! It's a nNruto and Soul Eater crossover named "Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night"! Now, on to the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except some of the concept ideas.**

**333 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of Konoha**

**67\. Make a card castle.**

Temari couldn't resist the temptation and used her battle fan to completely obliterate Shikamaru's card castle. She soon regretted it when she saw that Shikamaru was traumatized by the incident and was now watching the clouds 24/7 in a vegetative state.

**68\. Ruin the economy.**

Kakuzu soon regretted trying to cheat his way to fortune after asking Konan to print thousands of ryo bills with her paper jutsu. Damn you inflation!

**69\. Walk to a barbecue restaurant and order a vegetarian salad.**

Kiba got chased all around the village by irate Akamichis riding boars that shouted: "BLASPHEMY!"

**70\. Make some ramen.**

Sasuke got chased all around the village by an irate Uzumaki riding a toad shouting: "BLASPHEMY! You cannot put tomato in ramen! It is simply not done!"

**71\. Make a "to do" list. **

Shikamaru quickly abandoned after a few lines, but didn't forget to note to make a "to do" list.

**72\. Create the atomic bomb and use it to have super powers.**

How do you think ninjas have their power from?

**73\. While humming the theme of "Mission Impossible", walk around stealthy and knock over trash cans.**

Konohamaru got quickly arrested and was sentenced of a sentence of thirty hours of community service… which consisted of cleaning the garbage he knocked over.

**74\. Put make-up on your face like it was made by a child and go to random people, point to another random person and say that it was him that did it.**

Kankuro tried to this joke as an effort to make people laugh, but it quickly became pointless when the people he met simply shrugged and asked in which way it was different from his usual make-up. Needless to say that Temari found him in a hole three weeks later crying and holding his "battle paint" in his hands and screaming how people don't understand his art.

**75\. Hold Barbie for ransom. **

" POLICE! We are here to negociate! Do not shoot the Barbie or lethal force shall be used!" an annoyed policeman shouted through his speaker, wondering why he felt such a feeling of "déjà-vu".

"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU COCKS*CKERS! I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT IT'S ONE OF THE PUPPETS OF MY TECHNIQUE MOTHERF*CKERS!" Tayuya screamed back, her voice easily being noisier than the speaker.

"That's what they all say!"Shouted back the head officer.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW BEING PACIFIC! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!

Fortunately, the Oto ninjas helped the local police to restrain the fiery redhead. The Barbie doll was quickly saved and sent to the hospital to be treated for a nervous shock. Unfortunately, the head officer was sent to the hospital for de-masculinization. He will forever fear red-headed girls for the rest of his life.

**76\. Hold a bag of frozen carrots over your head and scream "FEAR ME AND MY ARMY OF FROZEN CARROTS!"**

Zabuza thought it was funny… until he saw that Haku used his bloodline to make the mini-carrots turn into gigantic mutant vitamin A-filled monsters that began to destroy the town.

**77\. Get cancer.**

Shikamaru soon regretted trying to commemorate his sensei's memory by smoking like him. "Damn you Asuna-sensei, couldn't you have chosen a more healthy habit, like play shoji? It then wouldn't be so troublesome!"

**Like it? Hate it? Please review!**


	8. 78 through 88

**Hello! Here's a new chapter for the fanfiction! I am sorry that my previous chapter took so long, but I was occupied by my other story. I hope you will forgive me for my tardiness. Let's end this opening and start this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except some of the basic ideas.**

**333 Ways To Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**78\. Start playing the violin.**

Kabuto was disturbed to see his master playing violin. He wisely decided to leave quickly. Unfortunately, a random chunnin didn't see it and got brutally murdered.

"Screw violin! It's much more relaxing to splatter blood and gore on the walls!"

Yep. Orochimaru was a very disturbed man.

**79\. Walk around carrying your radio and singing the song "We Will Rock You".**

Unfortunately for Onoki, the council didn't accept his project for making the song the national hymn.

**80\. Put on a clown costume, get in a box and when someone passes by, jump out and shout "SURPRISE!"**

The joke caused several seizures, reawakened Kureina's fear of clowns and traumatized Sasuke even more than the time he saw his brother slaughter his parents.

**81\. Strap a vacuum on your back and hum the theme song of "Luigi's Mansion". When you see someone, suck them up with the vacuum.**

Hagomoro nearly got his beard sucked up by his brother Hamura. He will forever be scared of vacuums. That's why he forever banned them from the Elemental Nations.

**82\. Draw moustaches on pictures of people.**

One day during which Hiruzen was absent, Naruto drew moustaches on the pictures of the previous Hokages. While he was doodling on the picture of Minato, he heard a voice in his head scream: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He paused a second, shrugged and went back to work.

Meanwhile, in Naruto's mindscape, a sweat-dropping Kushina was miserably trying to comfort a crying Minato screaming about shattered pride and disrespectful brats.

**83\. Scream bloody murder about international conspiracies.**

"THE CAKE IS A LIE! THE CAKE IS A LIE! THE CAKE IS A LIE!" screamed a hyperventilating Konohamaru.

"What are you talking about? And why are you wearing an aluminum hat?" asked a confused Moegi.

"I went beyond the limits of reality! I saw the truth! All we know is a lie!"

"First of all, why are you wearing an aluminum hat?" asked Udon.

"It's the only barrier! The universe knows that I broke its rules! It is trying to take those secrets! I won't let him! I have to tell everyone. I have to tell ev…" mumbled erratically Konohamaru before Ebisu snatched it from his head.

"Come to your senses, Konohamaru-sama! I wont allow such behavior…" Ebisu scolded Konohamaru before a rift opened and sucked all of their memories.

"What were we talking about?" asked the confused group (1).

**84\. Put on crazy costumes and walk on the street casually.**

Hiruzen was confused when he received reports of Ninja Turtles battling Shredder in the streets. He simply shrugged and went back to do his paperwork.

**85\. Watch old guys and say: "Oh my God! I see dead people!"**

"Oh my God! I see dead people!" said Jiraiya while pointing at Hiruzen.

Hashimara bonked him on the head. "That's because you're also dead you imbecile!"

Jiraiya blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"Also, how did you die Jiraiya-sensei? Did you perish in a glorious battle against a god-like enemy or did you sacrifice yourself to save a bus full of kittens, pandas, koalas and whatever cute animal that exists in this world?" asked a sparkly-eyed Minato.

"No. In fact, I died after being beaten to death by an angry mob of female cloud nin that I peeped at. It was all worth it though. Wait! Where are you guys going? Why are you running? Wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

**86\. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.**

The problem was that Kakashi was standing on the ceiling and was looking at the ground so everyone looked at him funny.

**87\. Dress up like an emo kid then walk down the street screaming at anyone: "WHY HAD YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?"**

Iruka confused why all of his students were all wearing the same clothes as Sasuke.

**88\. Walk to random people, hug them and tell them: "I love you!"**

Hug Day became a world-wide celebration day.

**Authors note**

(1) Can anyone guess the reference?

**Love it? Hate it? Please review!**


	9. 89 through 99

**Hello! DarkNutDestroyer here and I present to you a new chapter for my story! I made an Akatsuki Special! It will only include the members of this organization to commemorate the 99****th**** way to get kicked out of Konoha! I hope you will enjoy it! Let's quickly end this introduction and start the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except some of the concept ideas.**

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**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**89\. Walk to the middle of the market then open you jacket and scream: "I HAVE A BOMB!" After that, you scream that you are doing it for the glory of whatever god you want.**

It was the only time that Deidara and Hidan truly worked together.

**90\. Put on a bondage suit and ask people if they want to be your partner.**

It started as a simple prank, but when Pain learned that the practice was based on pain, he had changed the Akatsuki uniform for the leather outfit. All the members all abandoned the group soon after.\

**91\. Put on grandma clothes, sit on a chair and start knitting clothes.**

Kakuzu found that day that money wasn't all that mattered in the world and a new hobby.

**92\. Get in a box and when somebody comes close to it, jump out and give them a lollipop.**

"Tobi?" asked a confused Itachi.

"Yes?" responded the disguised Uchiha.

"Are you wearing… a lollipop instead of your mask?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

This proves that you can be badass and wear candy at the same time.

**93\. Go surfing at the beach!**

Kizame easily won the contest, because he was surfing on a shark, which was the coolest thing you could ever imagine to do while surfing.

**94\. Feed birds at the park.**

Itachi, curious of this activity, decided to try it. All of the women swooned at the sight of the black-haired man feeding seeds to birds… until the birds all dropped dead, because of the poison in the food.

Did I mention the murder of crows that came out of his clothes and ate their corpses?

**95\. Make a puppet show.**

To make money for the organization, Kakuzu sent Sasori to school to entertain the younglings. The play was cute and funny. All of the children loved it. They covered the puppet-master in kisses and played with him. Sasori decided to quit his job as a mercenary to become a wanderer that made puppet shows to children. He quickly gave up when he saw that children strangely didn't like when he made a puppet decapitate another.

It was probably because the other puppet contained a real person for the blood effects.

**96\. Go to an insectarium.**

Needless to say, Zetsu was refused at the reception. As revenge, he became an exterminator.

**97\. Throw toilet paper at a building.**

When Konan found out that it was Tobi that made the prank, she forced him to take back all of the toilet paper and fold every square into an origami. Unfortunately for him, he used a lot of toilet paper and by "a lot", I mean he used enough paper to completely cover the village's Tower.

**98\. Put a small bomb in a box, cover it with gift-wrapping and give it to somebody saying it's a gift.**

The problem was that Deidara "slightly" overpowered the bomb. The person that opened the box didn't have a head afterwards.

**99\. PAAAAARRRRRRRRRRTAAAAAAAAY!**

In an extraordinary moment of peace, all the population of the Elemental Nations decided to ignore all the years of hate and war to party together. The celebration lasted two months and was simply gigantic, everyone drank and played together. The leaders of all the villages decided to create a true treaty of mutual respect and collaboration. The era of peace finally came and all the ninjas lived peacefully, because of the power of rave. Naruto, the child of prophecy, accomplished his destiny by being the one to break the giant piñata with a rasengan. The Akatsuki, without any purpose, simply shrugged and joined the celebrations.

**Yes! I finally reached 99 ways to get kicked out of Konoha! I'm so happy! I'd like to thank all the people that read this story and I appreciate your support! Sooooo, like it? Hate it? Please review! I even accept requests! **


	10. Special 100th ways chapter

**Hello, dear readers! I'm DarkNutDestroyer and here's the tenth chapter of this series! I just made it to the 100****th**** way to get kicked out of Konoha! I hope you are still interested with this story and haven't been bored to death! I thank you all for your continued support and I hope we will get one day to the number 333! Let's end this introduction and start the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**100\. Break the fourth wall.**

"Namikaze! Where are you!" shouted the First and Second Hokage, breaking through a wall of the Shinigami's stomach.  
"WHAT! What's happening?" said a surprised blonde who was busy brooding in a corner for all eternity.

"We found a super cool story on the internet today! It was a list of stupid things we should do to piss people off!"

"Isn't it what you do every day?" asked the dubious man while raising his eyebrow.

"That's beside the point! What's important is that we decided to do them all and it was hilarious! We managed to get to number 100! The problem is that we need your help!"

"What do you need me for? Also, how did you manage to enter this place? It's supposed to be impenetrable."

"Duh, we used the power of fanfiction to break the rules of reality…or manga in this case," said Tobirama while rolling his eyes. Minato twitched when he saw the two of them take a dramatic pose while staring directly at the camera. Like, come on! He knew that he had to follow the author's script, but this was getting ridiculous! His eyebrow twitched even harder when he saw a female cast member put some powder on Tobirama's face. "What you have to do is easy. We simply have to break your spine."

"Oh, if it's just that, I'll… wait, WHAT!"screamed a wide-eyed Namikaze.

"Look," said Hashimara before presenting a paper. "As you see, at the 100th point, it says to break the fourth wall. We had obviously no idea what it meant."

"That wasn't in the script! It was supposed to be you thanking all of our reviewers and followers for their continued support while making it pass as a joke!"

"Well, we thought it would be boring so we asked the author if we could do it and he said that we had his whole-hearted support."

Minato turned to the camera and shouted: "DarkNutDestroyer…YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Sorry Minato, but it's for a noble cause!" a sentient voice boomed from nowhere.

"Noble cause my ass." mumbled the irate man.

The two Hokages quickly approached the man and, just when it was about to become gory, a sign with the word "CENSORED" written on it blocked the camera's view.

Hinata then appeared on the screen before she bowed respectfully and said: "As you can see, the censoring system of kicked in and prevents you from watching this scene. However, the K+ rated written on the description of the fanfic below allows us to have a cute girl present to you the many thanks of the author to you from the author and his gratitude for your support. I hope you will continue to read this story."

Hinata finished her speech by bowing again and the curtains fell.

** Chapter end!**

**Author's note**

**And this wraps it up! I only put one point in this chapter. After this, the other ones will continue their usual 11-point format. I hope you like this story!**

**Love it? Hate it? Please review! I also take requests!**


	11. 101 through 110

**Hello everyone and happy Easter! The chapter came out late, because I was in a trip somewhere really cool! Try to guess where it was! Fortunately, I came back and here's the chapter I made! To redeem myself, here's a longer chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it!**

**N****o ****107 is for abdol who requested it. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**101\. Buy a farm.**

Yamato finally solved the problem of hunger all over the continent with his Mokuton abilities. He won a Nobel prize and is recognized everywhere for his good actions. I wonder why he never thought about it…

**102\. Get a pet.**

The day the Daimyo's wife got Tora as a pet, the entire ninja population of Konoha suddendly shivered, feeling like an era of darkness and death just started for those unfortunate souls.

**103\. Play the game of the music chair.**

Pain did the error of letting Kakuzu and Deidara organize the game so when the music ended, the ground collapsed, revealing a floor covered with spikes and when the whole group of Akatsuki-save the two art lovers- tried to get all together on the chair since it was on platform, the chair exploded, launching them all to the moon. When they crashed on it, they found a very angry Jyuubi ready to massacre the unfortunate fellows that disturbed his nap.

**104\. Watch TV.**

That day, Madara found out a much better way to enslave the minds of the entire population of the planet.

**105\. Write your memoirs.**

Somehow, Jiraya managed to publish his memoirs before dying. It quickly got classed as a M-rated book, because all it contained was porn. The toad Sage was clearly a god amongst perverts.

**106\. Ride a dragon.**

Tsunade was quickly getting used to the apparent craziness of the village, but in this case, she really wanted a bottle of sake.

"Soooo, what you're telling me is that you've seen a movie called "How to Train Your Dragon", you wanted to have one, so you opened a hole to that universe with your kamui and retrieved one while completely ignoring any consequences it might issue?"

"Yep." replied a completely oblivious Sasuke.

"Are you f*cking retarted? Now the hole has completely opened now and there's hundreds of them all around the village destroying everything they see!"

It was at that point that a Monstrous Nightmare tried to enter the office by the window, but it quickly abandoned when he saw "The Look" on the blonde's face. It quickly abandoned and went to eat something else, , he felt like eating a pink-haired useless banshee that does absolutely nothing whatsoever in critical situations for some unknown reason.

"As for **you**," Sasuke gulped at Her Look. "You're going to get out there and clean up all the shit you caused. And if I hear you moan another time, I'm gonna tear your balls off and shove them in your orbits. AM I CLEAR?"

"H-hai, Hokage-sama!

**107\. Smoke weed.**

One day, Killer B found Yugito Nii smoking weed in an alley. It was later found out that the drug was in fact catnip. She still had to get through a process of detoxication.

**108\. Create a deadly pathogen.**

"Soooooo, how did it end up like this?" asked Tatuya while crushing the skull of a zombie with a baseball bat.

She was only answered by grunts of pain as the other Sound Four stampeded through the legions of the undead that filled the streets. They were trying desperately to escape, but there were too many of them.

"At least it can't get worse" said Jirobo, forgetting about Murphy's law.

The others nodded at that before a random ninja ran out of a building, screaming: "Run! They managed to find out the exo-suits storage!"

A zombie equipped with an exo-suit jumped on him out of a building and start to devour him. All the remaining survivors saw a horde of them come out of the buildings, all equipped with the suits.

Everyone turned to Orochimaru who was scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

"He he… Sorry. I kinda forgot about them."

At least it made a good video game reference.

**109\. Go to the movies.**

Asuna and Kureina were on a date. They planned to wander around the village while talking about their lives, watch a movie, and then eat lunch at a small café before finally finishing the day by chilling at Kureina's house. Unfortunately for Asuna, the date was cut short when Kureina realized that the movie they were watching was the Icha Icha Paradise movie, it's basically porn. Asuna, for that mishap, got slapped by his girlfriend and lost respect from all of Konoha's female population.

**110\. Get a tattoo.**

Naruto was staring dumbfounded at queer man that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and was floating in the air. He named itself "The Outsider".

"Naruto, I was watching you for awhile and I've found you "interesting". I will make you my champion. You will have access to new powers that no one has ever seen. However, be cautious; there are people out there that abhor me and will try to kill you to eliminate all traces of me in this world. If you are caught, you and your loved ones will probably suffer a painful and gruesome death." said The Outsider before disappearing.

Naruto then felt his skin burn and looked at his hand; a new mark-The Outsider's mark-now adorned his hand, marking him forever for a life filled with treachery, pain and death.

"Cool! A new tattoo!"

**So, love it? Hate it? Please review!**


	12. 111 through 122

**Hello! It's me, DarkNutDestroyer! Here's a new chapter, hope you like it! Blahblahblah! Who cares about that! Now onto the story! **

**Number 114 is a request from Beacon21. If you have one, don't hesitate to tell it and I'll try to do it! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything(you should know this by now)!**

**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Konoha**

**111\. Open a restaurant. **

Ma and Pa thought that opening a restaurant serving their clan's traditional meals would be a good idea. Unfortunately, people didn't seem to like to eat bugs.

**112\. Organize a surprise party.**

Temari and Kankuro had organized a surprise party for their brother to, hopefully, cheer him up a bit and lessen his violent tendencies. Predictably, the redhead didn't know what to say. And predictably, he also destroyed half of the village.

**113\. Have a rap battle. **

When Killer B challenged A to a rap battle, the townsfolk hoped that it would end up with an exciting event in which everyone could enjoy themselves and admire the singing skills of those two legendary heroes. Instead, it ended up with the worst insult to human intelligence and the village's hospital ended up being filled with shocked victims of this outrageous spectacle of stupidity and vulgarity.

**114\. Mug someone.**

"Gozu, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Nonsense, Meizu. That guy is old and has horrible fashion sense. I'm sure mugging him will be easy!"

What those poor souls didn't know was that that "old man" was in fact the Last Dragonborn returning from a successful hunt. Needless to say, they both received the beating of a lifetime.

**115\. Watch the stars.**

"The Moon is beautiful tonight." said Jiraiya nostalgically.

"Indeed." replied Hiruzen.

"Wait, is there supposed to be two moons?"

"That's no moon."

Death Vader decided to blow up that planet with the Death Star for no particular reason. Getting rejected by your own son would do that to you.

**116\. Knock over stuff while screaming: "EARTHQUAKE! EVERYBODY RUN!"**

Onoki tried this joke but everybody ignored him. So, he leveled up the whole village.

**117\. Announce that there's a huge sale at the local supermarket.**

Mei Terumi was currently humming a happy tune as she searched through the racks at her favourite clothing shop for a new pair of shoes. She then turned her head and saw something that made her eyes widen. She paused a second, looked around, stole as many clothes as she could and jumped out of the window. The staff looked at the broken window and at each other questionably. They then heard a rumble in the distance. They turned her head and saw a horde of women running towards the mall. They decided that it wasn't worth it and followed Mei by the window. Let's just say that, at the end, the shopping mall was nothing but a pile of rubble.

**118\. Get a part-time job.**

Kiba thought it was his lucky day when he got a job as a night guard in a local restaurant. Unfortunately, it quickly turned into a complete nightmare when animal animatronics started to pursue him all around the place.

**119\. Kill some terrorists.**

"SURPRISE, MOTHERF*CKERS!" screamed Naruto while throwing a grenade at a group of terrorists.

The explosion wiped them all out and made them win the round.

"Nice, Naruto! You killed all of the remaining terrorists. We, counter-terrorists don't have a thing to fear with you in our team!" Praised Kiba while thinking about all the money he was going to make from the bet he made with Choji.

The game then decided to fuck them all up by switching Naruto and Sakura from their respective teams.

"Well shit." he said when he saw Naruto come from the corner with a rocket-launcher.

**120\. Hide somewhere and when someone with glasses walks by, go to him and say: "You're a wizard, Harry!"**

Udon decided from that day to wear contacts instead. And avoid dark alleys.

**121\. Hold matches and gasoline in your hands and walk around smiling at people.**

When the Akatsuki group saw Deidara walking around with so much flammable material, they quickly dog piled him, confiscated all his explosives and punished him by sending him to his room for a whole month.

**122\. Run around with underwear on your head while screaming: "I'M BLIND!"**

Kakashi was confused when he saw Choji running around with underwear on his head. He was even more confused when a giant toilet with legs, arms, eyes and teeth jumped from the top of a building and punched the guy while screaming something about "Captain Underpants" and "mortal enemy". The man then shrugged and went back to his book.

**There's a lot of references in this chapter, can you guess them all?**

**So, like it? Hate it? Please review!**


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